Category Archives: Silly

Requiem for a teatowel

Farewell manky chequered blue tea-towel
Your time has come
I went to dry my cup on you today
You’re no longer there
Replaced
By a new teatowel
A red one
A CLEAN red one

I remember once
When I first joined
I took you to the laundromat to get you cleaned
You looked the same after
Manky
Brown bits
Unpleasant

I bid you adieu
You were special
And smelly
I hope you’re at the Oxyplus factory
Being used
As the new definition of stubborn stains

Farewell.

 

I'm Dirty But You'll Use Me Anyway

I’m Dirty But You’ll Use Me Anyway

Fingers Crosssed

Hello,

I am writing to kindly ask that my $1 “Other ATM” fee this morning be refunded. I had to go to the smelly Westpac ATM because the ASB ATM in Taradale was out of service.

I trust you will see kindness in your heart and realise that I would be much better to spend that $1 on a Mars Bar for a morning snack.

Yours in a dislike of Fees,

Tim

Update: I got my $1 back.

Chicken Costumes

From: Tim Harman [mailto:tim@muppetz.com]
Sent: Sunday, 10 August 2014 9:37 p.m.
To: Info
Subject: Winning Wheel Question

Hello There!

I have a question which I am hoping you can answer for me.

Tonight my wife and I were discussing what is/isn’t allowed when it comes to being
on the “Winning Wheel” segment. The conversation arose because I expressed my
desire to wear a large chicken costume and do nothing but cluck through the whole
segment, if we were so lucky as to win a spot on the segment.

My wife, being the smarter of the two of us, said that there’s no way she’d let me
wear a chicken costume and/or cluck, and that NZ Lotto almost certainly wouldn’t
allow someone to dress up as a chicken anyway.

So my question is: What are “the rules” around the Winning Wheel segment?
Can a contestant wear a large chicken suit if they so desire?

Many Thanks,

Tim Harman
———————————————————————————–
Hi Tim,

Thank you for your enquiry.

While we have guidelines we follow during filming to ensure the integrity of our
products, we remain flexible as each winner’s story is very different.

There is no current ruling on wearing chicken suits.

Thanks for taking the time to write to us and good luck with your tickets.

Best regards,
<name removed>
Corporate Communications Advisor

PO Box 8929, Symonds Street, Auckland 1150
73 Remuera Road, Remuera, Auckland 1050, New Zealand

lottonz.co.nz

Would You? Would you really?

—–Original Message—–
From: Tim Harman [mailto:tim@muppetz.com]
Sent: Tuesday, 26 November 2013 9:11 p.m.
To: info
Subject: Would you? Would You Really?

Hi!

Every time I get down your packet of cones from the top shelf of our pantry, I see the little message on the side that says “We’d love to hear from you” and I always think to myself “Would they? Would they LOVE to hear from me?”. Then I make an Icecream, slide the cones back up onto the top shelf and think to myself “I should ask them that one day”

So I guess this me asking “Would you really love to hear from me?”

Look at it from my point of view: I’m a 37 yo man. I work in IT, doing network designs (You’ve probably fallen alseep by now, right?) I don’t even _eat_ the icecream cones, I make them for my wife. She loves Goody Goody gumdrops. (I’m not so sure myself, I’m more of a plain old chocolate icecream guy myself.) I just don’t think there’s that much about me worth hearing about, at least in the context of Icecream Cones.

Anyway, I hope you have loved hearing from me? If you haven’t, I would suggest updating the wording on future packets to say something like “We might like to hear from you, but only if it’s Icecream related”. Though that probably wouldn’t fit on the box as easily.

Yours in a love of having burning questions answered,

Tim

PS: At least I have enjoyed writing to you! 🙂

——————————————–

To: tim@muppetz.com

Hi Tim!

Thanks for asking a great question. I hope I can offer a satisfactory answer to you.

Absolutely!

There are a few reasons why we really do love to hear from people.

I am sure you can appreciate the value in receiving feedback on our products. We learn what people enjoy about our cones and sometimes we
get ideas for new cones coming through too.

But most importantly, and simply, is that it subsequently provides us with an opportunity to personally thank people for choosing our
products.

Your family may have been purchasing our cones for years without us knowing about it.
But now, since you took the time to make contact, we can finally say it – thank you for choosing our products!!

Tim, have a great Summer. Enjoy some chocolate ice-cream (perhaps even in a cone!) and next time you pick one of our products off the shelf you’ll know that we appreciate you making that choice.

Thanks again and best regards,

Mike Dephoff
General Manager
Tawse Foods Ltd

PS – I’m more of a coffee ice-cream guy 🙂

Powershop: 1 – Tim H: 0

You gotta hand it to powershop, they know how to have a good laugh.

They posted this to their Facebook specials page:

Seal up those cracks, the southerly’s back, and he’s bringing the chill as he’s blowing flat tack. But relax Powershoppers, all is not lost, our Wintervention will help you defrost!

Me, being the eternal plonker, posted this in reply:

I quite liked the poem, though I thought it could have made better use of rhyming techniques and maybe had a similie or two. However it was a fine attempt for a Friday afternoon, 3 and 1/2 out of 5 stars.

So as a reply, they posted this!

@Tim H, a tale for you
it sounds a bit strange, but we swear that it’s true!

Our rhymes they are awful, of this we’re aware,
but don’t blame the writer, that wouldn’t be fair!

Our old specials gremlin wrote a little too clunky,
so we traded him in for a well trained monkey!

Now the monkey he tries, but he’s quite prone to fail,
which is perhaps our fault! (we got him on sale…).

So the reason the rhymes have been a bit crazy
is probably our doing, today we were lazy!

We gave monkey the wrong brain-med prescription,
and then made the poor thing write the description!

Now’s he’s all hopped up and running a muck,
we’ll have to try and catch him! (Please wish us luck)

So this week we’ll blame that drugged monkey-freak,
but we hope to improve, a humans writing next week…

-The Product Gremlin

Longest Link to an XKCD Comic

<bartgeek> http://xkcd.com/1077/.
<bartgeek> http://xkcd.com/1077/
<muppet> http://xkcd.com/1077
<Dave-PZ> https://xkcd.com/1077
<CucumberError> http://tinyurl.com/6odx2tk
<Dave-PZ> https://xkcd.com/1077/?iliketosupplyarbitrarygetparameters
<muppet> http://xkcd.com:80/1077/
<Dave-PZ> http://www.xkcd.com/1077/
<muppet> https://www.xkcd.com:443/1077/
<Dave-PZ> https://www.xkcd.com:443/1077/?nowwithallthebellsandwhistles
<muppet> https://xkcd.com:443/1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/?nowwithallthebellsandwhistles
<Dave-PZ> https://xkcd.com:443/1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/../1077/./././././?nowwithallthebellsandwhistles
<muppet> https://www.xkcd.com:443/1070/../1071/../1072/../1073/../1074/../1075/../1076/../1077/./././././index.html?nowwithallthebellsandwhistles&A_Large_Chicken=YesPlease
<Dave-PZ> https://www.xkcd.com:443/%31%30%37%30%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%31%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%32%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%33%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%34%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%35%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%36%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%69%6E%64%65%78%2E%68%74%6D%6C?%6E%6F%77%77%69%74%68%61%6C%6C%74%68%65%62%65%6C%6C%73%61%6E%64%77%68%69%73%74%6C%65%73&%41%5F%4C%61%72%67%65%5F%43%68%69%63%6B%65%6E=%59%65%73
<muppet> https://KAAAAUFUCKING:BOOOOOMMMMMM@www.xkcd.com:443/%31%30%37%30%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%31%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%32%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%33%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%34%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%35%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%36%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%69%6E%64%65%78%2E%68%74%6D%6C?%6E%6F%77%77%69%74%68%61%6C%6C%74%68%65%62%65%6C%6C%73%61%6E%64%77%68%69%73%74%6C%65%73&%41%5F%4C%61%72%67%65%5F%43%68%69%63%6B%65%6E=%59%65%73
<Dave-PZ> https://KAAAAUFUCKING:BOOOOOMMMMMM@www.xkcd.com/%31%30%37%30%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%31%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%32%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%33%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%34%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%35%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%36%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%69%6E%64%65%78%2E%68%74%6D%6C?%6E%6F%77%77%69%74%68%61%6C%6C%74%68%65%62%65%6C%6C%73%61%6E%64%77%68%69%73%74%6C%65%73&%41%5F%4C%61%72%67%65%5F%43%68%69%63%6B%65%6E=%59%65%73;lookatmeimftp
* muppet pushes his king over.
* Dave-PZ victory dances.
<Dave-PZ> https://KAAAAUFUCKING:BOOOOOMMMMMM@www.xkcd.com/%31%30%37%30%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%31%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%32%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%33%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%34%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%35%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%36%2F%2E%2E%2F%31%30%37%37%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%2E%2F%69%6E%64%65%78%2E%68%74%6D%6C?%6E%6F%77%77%69%74%68%61%6C%6C%74%68%65%62%65%6C%6C%73%61%6E%64%77%68%69%73%74%6C%65%73&%41%5F%4C%61%72%67%65%5F%43%68%69%63%6B%65%6E=%59%65%73;lookatmeimftp#butnowthereisapageanchor

My Thoughts on Fyx

Everyone’s got a comment about Fyx!
Here’s mine:

My analogy is that it’s like you all work in the pizza business. And you’re all discussing a rival pizza company because they’ve put a blinking LED on their pizza.

Sure, you can’t eat it. Or maybe you can? But maybe for a few weeks before everyone goes “You can’t eat LEDs, it’s not legal!!!”

So you all go on and on and on about the flashing LED on the pizza. Is it legal? Is it not? What happens if you EAT the LED? Will you have to be rushed to hospital? Will you be OK? OMFG!!!! OMG!?!?! Is it LEGAL to put an LED ON A PIZZA? PULL IT OFF!! But what if I can’t pull it off? Will I get sued? LOOK! LOOK AT IT FLASH!

They’re selling pizza. But you’re all OMFG about the flashing LED that may, or may not, come with the pizza. You’ve told all your family. Your friends. You’ve got just the best and smartest opinion about the legality of selling a flashing LED and you’ve told everyone you know about it.

And now, horror of horrors, you’ve found out the pizza DOES NOT come with a flashing LED. That’s it. They’ve officially called it. No more flashing LEDs.

Now you’re left with a normal, boring pizza. One you’ve not even tried but you know know you probably hate it.

Oh and there’s one marketing company behind it all that can’t stop laughing.