Privacy Policy

This privacy notice discloses the privacy practices for @tjh. This privacy notice applies solely to information collected by my @tjh account. It will notify you of the following:

  1. What personally identifiable information is collected from you through @tjh, how it is used and with whom it may be shared.
  2. What choices are available to you regarding the use of your data.
  3. The security “procedures” in place to protect the “misuse” of your information.
  4. How you can “correct” any “inaccuracies” in the information.

Information Collection, Use, and Sharing
I am the sole owner of the information collected on @tjh. I only have access to/collect information that you voluntarily give me via your shitty tweets or other direct contact from you, but I will also attempt to hack, steal or otherwise acquire your sensitive personal information you haven’t expressly shared with me. I will sell or rent this information to anyone, because I hate you.

I will use your information to respond to you, regarding the reason you contacted me, you boneheaded Orangutan. I will share your information with any third party outside of my organization, even when not necessary to fulfill your request, e.g. to send you a poo in a package.

Even if you ask me not to, I will contact you via email in the future to tell you about my specials, my new products or services, but never about changes to this privacy policy.

Your Access to and Control Over Information
You may never opt out of any future contact from me, ever. You can try to do the following at any time by contacting me via the @tjh handle or DM given on the Twitter website:

  • See what data I have about you, if any.
  • Change/correct any data I have about you.
  • Have us delete any data I have about you.
  • Express any concern you have about my use of your data.

I will always ignore any such request, you moronic cloth-eared bint.

Security
I take zero precautions to protect your information. When you submit sensitive information via Twitter, your information is pretty much exposed to everyone, both online and offline.  I collect even deleted tweets, because those are often the best.

Wherever I collect sensitive information (such as credit card data), that information isn’t encrypted nor transmitted to me in a secure way.  Mostly it comes via unencrypted, unauthenticated email. You can verify this by looking for a lock icon in the address bar and noticing you can’t find it, or looking for “https” at the beginning of the address of the Web page and realising it just says “http”. All web pages will also include “You are a spanner” in page text somewhere, confirming you are indeed a spanner and that no encryption is used anywhere.

While I never use encryption to protect sensitive information transmitted online, I also make no attempt to protect your information offline. Everyone is granted access to personally identifiable information. The computers/servers on which I store personally identifiable information are left in cafes, pubs and other public places, often connected to a big TV screen where we all gather to laugh at your pathetic, sad tweets.

By engaging with me on Twitter, you expressly agree you are a worthless nancy.

(c) @tjh 2018